Meditating with ADD

Not going to happen.

Sometimes it seems as though meditation is beyond my mind's capabilities. At the age of 7 I was diagnosed with ADD which means there is a chemical in my brain that allows neurons to sometimes fire off more randomly than the average brain. So while the average mediator's mind may sound like this--"            Breath            Did I        Breathe                                                      I hope I" (very few interruptions in comparison to myself.) My brain sounds like "Breathe, wow my eyelids look red Stop it! stop thinking! just let it drift out.... Breathe... I wonder if I will win that scholarship, I mean I did write a beastly OH MY GOD STOP IT! Breathe."

I know that this is something I need to work on though, even if it is almost excessively difficult. Most Wicca books have horrible sections on meditation. I have no use of finding a "fairy spirit guide" and I'm leaving a totem animal to Fight Club. Some of the techniques they gave me made things more difficult but simply suggesting that I clear my mind, when is it almost physically impossible for me to have a clear mind, ever.

The search for multiple and varied techniques lead me to the Yoga Magazine (http://www.yogajournal.com/) one of their articles listed about 5 totally different techniques including using a mantra. By repeating an idea over and over rather than trying to get rid of all idea kept my lightning brain calm and focused but still left me fidgety. I've always been a fidgety person. Whenever I sit I always sit on my feet for example.

Most Malas have 108 beads but mine has 28. 108 has special significance for Hindus.

It was in my quest for movment that I stumbled upon (but not literally) mala beads. Mala beads are similar to a Catholic rosary but are used to count mantras rather than prayers. I'm really hoping that the combination of sound, touch, and effort will increase my focus and over time my overall mental disapline and mental state in general.

Make what you do fit YOUR needs.

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Really?! I mean come on!

It is so difficult to be taken seriously as a witch. Its not like I can really blame them, I mean look at the witches they show on television, bad hair dyes, gawdy jewelry, capes for f***s sake. How can anyone expect to be taken seriously when they dress like a character from Harry Potter or like the Renaissance Fair, in all of its gloriously obnoxious historical inaccuracies, looks like it bashed them over the head. Lets leave Salem and  Gomorrah behind us please, because seriously, it's hurting my rep.
I didn't want to start out my blog raving about my annoyances with others but there was no other way to introduce my point.

Most Witches I have met, read about, or heard of admit that the God and Goddess are really the same and that even more simply Everything is the God and Goddess, even and maybe especially ourselves. We admit this to ourselves and other and yet people still act like we're the people "they" say we are.

We don't believe in something outrageously odd. We admit that our religious stories are parables and not historical accounts. We know there was no underground worship of stone age deities in 17th century England. And most importantly we know that the stereotypes against us hurt us in very real ways- lost jobs, taken children, lost respect and stolen peace.

This Blog is my story, my struggle, my comedy, my ideas, and my manifesto.

My Name Is Cailin. And I am a Witch.